Confidence

Confidence is something I have struggled with whilst growing up. It is certainly something that I’ve always been told I need to improve on over the years.

At school, during years 7 to 11, I always was the shy quiet girl in the classroom. Rarely did I speak up and input in the class discussions unless I was asked or picked on by teachers. I hated giving an answer or opinion in front of a class as I thought I would get laughed at if I got it wrong and would look like a total idiot. “She needs to speak up more” was on literally every school report I have received. I never really put myself out there to do certain things purely because I was scared of how other people would see me or what their opinion of me would be.

Years 12 and 13 taught me how to come out of my shell more as I was focusing on subjects that I am truly passionate about. My relationship with teachers improved as they were more like friends than teachers and still are to this day.

Starting blogging was a fear of mine as it has always been something I wanted to do but thought I would have friends and people from school laughing at me for it and telling me I’m trying to “copy Zoella” as I am always told. In fact, I started it for myself. To give myself a platform to create memories and share things with an audience, if they wanted to read and watch my content.

University really confirmed for me what I want to do in the future as a career and has really given me the confidence to try my hardest to achieve it. Blogging is something I was pushed to put out there by a lecturer of mine, in order to show passion for it as it is needed for my future job role. “That’s amazing, why don’t you put it out there?” really made me think twice and maybe that I could get people I know to read it, but did I really want them too? Putting it on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter meant people have the opportunity to read my work. A fear of mine was that they would laugh, talk behind my back about how stupid it is and look down on me for it.

After putting it out there I felt more confident in what I was writing as I had people behind me. It also allowed me to  meet new people who are also into blogging through these social media sites. Recently I had someone say to me “I saw you do Youtube/Blog now” and laugh. It did knock me and made me feel as if I am being laughed at. I thought I should probably stop writing, filming or editing as I was being judged like I feared.

I went back into school to visit some teachers and discuss how university is going for me. I met one teacher who told me that from a young age I was driven, I knew what I wanted to do and I remained focused on it. He classed me as one of his “success stories” and went on to tell me he always reads my blog. I told him about how I felt putting it all out publicly and he told me “that is the difference between people at school and university” and to “keep it up”.  This made me almost tear up as I am proud of what I am doing and it is nice to see other people be proud of me and have confidence in me too.

I’ve learnt that confidence is something that I am gradually finding at university because the immaturity decreases in this environment as you are surrounded by people with similar interests who want to be there by choice. They want to get a degree and a career, just like me. Confidence is the one thing which you need in order to get yourself noticed in the outside world. As time is progressing, so am I. It is a resolution of mine to not care what people think anymore. I am blogging and using YouTube to make memories for myself as well as it being something I love and enjoy which will help me in the future. I’ve learnt that other peoples opinions should not change what I want to do and should not stop me.

“The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them”

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